A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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