I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
