did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
