it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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