She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
