Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
