You kept calling me your small dog last night.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize