i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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