I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
