I murdered the dance floor call the cops
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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