so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
