i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
