i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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