I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
