They should really pass out barf bags in church
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize