yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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