I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
