When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
