You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
