it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
