You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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