Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
