He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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