I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
