My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
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