I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I could make wine with my vomit
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
