you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
