Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
