another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
