you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just high enough for therapy.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
