how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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