peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
