Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
