dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
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