Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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