Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I didn't notice because vodka
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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