I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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