Sponge bath it is.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
