well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Your topless pictures make me question reality
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
