just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
