Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
