she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
