We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
