what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
