Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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