Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
tonight lets celebrate not being married
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
