I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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