My brain says no but my pants say off.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
