someone threw a dead crab at me
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
