why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
