Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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