i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
