my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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