So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
