Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
