420 ftw
Sober January is a disaster.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
It's blow job season.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
