please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
