i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
