Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Randomize
