I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
We got so high we made milksteak
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
