best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize