Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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