Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
