guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
