..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
sick fucks of a feather flock together
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
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