dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
