What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
