Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
