yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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