I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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