Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
