I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
