And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
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