piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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