After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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