I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
