I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
it was like eating out sand paper
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
