When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
he shaved USA in his pubs
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
