youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
