Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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